Calling All Metaphors

I realized yesterday that I'm apparently in the wrong profession. I'm missing out on my very own opportunity to make millions.

It all started with a project I'm working on. It's basically a development course for our call center staff to teach them how to manage "difficult" callers. One section of the training is about recognizing bad behavior in a caller for what it is and learning to let it go. While I was writing that section, I remembered a bulletin I'd read on MySpace. It was a reprinted editorial some guy had written comparing people with bad attitudes to trash trucks. It was a little over the top, but I figured by this point in a day-long seminar, the students might be up for a little story time. So, I tracked down the author's email address and wrote to get permission to reprint his article, b/c you know how I feel about plagiarism...

What I didn't realize was this thing was WAY bigger than just an article in some newspaper. This guy had turned his metaphor into a whole organization devoted to promoting happiness through the power of "positive psychology." He even had a degree in it. So, after a million emails and one phone meeting, I receive the proposal...Yep, reprinting this story was going to cost money. I just had no idea how much. The proposal listed several options, the most expensive being a day-long seminar hosted by the author, all of which could be ours for just over a hundred grand. To reprint just the article? A couple thousand plus a yearly renewal fee.

Needless to say, we don't quite have the budget for that on this particular project. But seriously, this guy took a metaphor (which according to the article was part of a story that someone else told him), stretched it out (too far in my opinion), and turned it into a business where one speaking engagement can make him twice as much as I make working a whole year. How do I get in on this?

I'm clearly the one who's got it all wrong. I need a metaphor, and I need one fast!

Something I've ALWAYS Wanted to See

Yesterday, pushing my cart around a very crowded Schnucks, I got to see something I've only dreamt of. I got to see the annoying kid on roller-shoes (there's at least one in every store), the kid who nearly ran over my foot a few minutes earlier, biting it big time and skidding all the way across the aisle into the yogurt case. I giggled. Out loud. His mother gave me a dirty look. What? He was fine. No blood. No tears even. I'd have tripped him myself if I could. I hate those shoes almost as much as I hate Crocs. Almost...

Saturday Night Notes

It's been a long time since I've been at home all by myself on a Saturday night, deep at the bottom of a Reisling bottle, with a deep desire to write, possible at Denny's drinking coffee at 2 a.m. Actually, I'm really watching Grey's Anatomy. I started viewing at the end of season three...the episode when Meredith "drowned" at the ferry accident. So, there's been a lot of backstory that I've had to guess on. So, on my vacation, I decided to begin at the beginning and rented season one. What I've discovered so far is that I had all of the backstory pretty much figured out, and even thought I will continue watching, I've never met a cast of characters I liked less. Especially, Meredith. And Izzie...and George...and Alex...and Shepherd. I do, however, like Yang. She's so over the top I believe it.

Waking Up Is Hard to Do

Today I'm back at my desk after a beautiful, sweet week of vacation. A much needed vacation. I could have dealt with another week off actually. Since that's not going to happen, I'm trying to transition back to work mode slowly...very slowly.

I didn't actually go anywhere on my vacation. I wanted complete and total relaxation, without the travel or returning home exhausted. Instead, I fully intended to spend last week blogging every day and catching up on my reading on a sunny patio somewhere. That didn't happen per se. I did work out almost every day, but the rest of my time was spent sleeping extremely late, shopping, and watching the first two seasons of Grey's Anatomy, since I started watching mid season 3. Whatever...I totally deserved it.

Right now I'm trying to figure out how to become independently wealthy and make every day a vacation day. I'll let you know how that works out.