Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Almost But Not Quite

I have a theory. It's physically impossible for all the separate areas of one's life to go well at the same time. At least for me. It makes me nervous every time I notice it. I stop, eyes widen, and I think, "Well, clearly this can't last. Something's gotta give." And it does.

Not that I have that much to complain about. I'm completely aware that there are people who are far less fortunate than I, people whose lives offer real reasons to be depressed. I'm healthy. I have a roof over my head (one that also offers a great pool in the summer time--VERY excited about that). My family is supportive. My group of friends is as tight as a second family. I've been on a whole string of truly amazing dates lately. I even have a good job.

But I wanted an awesome job. Recently, I applied for a managing editor position, even though it was a bit of a stretch seeing as I'd been there for such a short time. But I knew I could do it. My boss knew I could do it. Apparently even her boss (who was doing the hiring) knew I could do it. But it came down to senority, the one characteristic I didn't have. So no awesome job this time.

The thing is, I knew it might not happen. Like I said, it was a stretch, a long shot. But the harder I tried to keep my hopes down, the higher they were. I'm not crushed or anything. My ego isn't even wounded. I'm just really bad at not getting the things I want. I've never quite digested that the old maxim, "Work hard and you can have it" doesn't apply in every situation. Until today, I've never NOT gotten a job I interviewed for (yes, even as a teacher who just used a double negative). How could they say no to this face?? :)

I was ready for the big break. I wanted to finally be able to say to my parents, "Hey, look at your English major daughter, she finally made something of herself...aren't you proud?!" Hell, I just wanted to be impressed with myself for once. I wanted to rise to an actual challenge. And of course, I wanted to live a life in which I could stop worrying about income and enjoy myself (don't we all).

In reality, it's not the end of the world. Life will go on in the manner to which I am accustomed. There will be other opportunties. And when they come, I'll have more experience and be better prepared for them. By tomorrow, I will have snapped out of this funk. But until then, I'm going to take a minute to pout. Don't mind me.

1 comment:

  1. Angela, I guarantee you still make your parents proud! You are an amazing woman.