Monday, June 18, 2007

Concessions

My favorite Ensler monologue is the one about the short skirt. It's the one I'd read if ever I was invited to perform a Vagina Monologue. I'd wear a sassy, short skirt, probably in black, maybe leather, and stilleto heels to show off my calves. I'd roll the words off my tongue like poetry,
"It is not an invitation, a provocation, an indication..."
I'd probably stand with one hip jutting higher than the other, body slightly twisting, sensual but not to be trifled with.
"My short skirt, believe it or not, has nothing to do with you..."
I'd run a hand absently up my thigh, silent self possession.
"My short skirt is my defiance, I will not let you make me afraid..."
But I'd be lying. Some days the defiance lacks. Some days I just don't want to rock the boat. I don't want to defend.

A snapshot of Sunday morning:
I gathered my week and a half's worth of laundry, detergent, Glamour. I was rosy cheeked and fresh out of bed, wifebeater and soft red sweatshirt-material shorts. As I passed the mirror, I paused and looked back. The fabric ended just a fraction below the curve of my round ass. Every muscle and curve in my thighs were visible. I felt momentarily proud. Then, I dropped the basket and pulled on track pants instead.
"Why are you changing clothes to go to the laundromat?" B wanted to know.
"I don't want to deal with any negative attention today," I explained.

In the laundry, no one looked at me. There were no unwanted come-ons. Coincidence or consequence of my concession? It was hot inside. No air circulating, dryers superheating the room. I felt the sweat bead up behind my knees and run down the back of my legs. I felt angry. I wouldn't have been hot if I hadn't changed. It wasn't fair.

Were my only choices really to wear what I wanted and fend off the sleazy men hanging out in front of the Express Mart because my shorts were "asking for it" or to cover myself, censor myself, become invisible in exchange for peace? I can't fight on prinicple every day. I'm not that hard inside.

I learned in a college logic class once that there are always more than two options to a logical dilemma. The Either/Or fallacy. So, what's my third option? Why should I have to be the one to give in?

"But mainly my short skirt and everything under it is Mine. Mine. Mine."
Maybe someday.

4 comments:

  1. i think the only logical solution is to make your boyfriend go do laundry with you...he should probably bring you sour skittles and flowers too. yeah that's the other answer.

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  2. Hey girl,

    I might have to push you a little bit to define what you mean by *negative* attention from men.

    At this point in time, I am not sure that most men (even the best ones like J and B)judge women from a completely honest and positive viewpoint.

    So, I still say put on the short skirt everyday, and do it without a thought in your head as to what any man thinks. Your legs are beautiful.

    Starry Starry Fight.

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  3. By negative attention, I suppose I meant unwanted attention from strangers who feel like the fact that my legs are on display means they can comment on them or get in my face. That's the key difference to me...I'd be disappointed if B didn't comment :)

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