Feminist Manifesto...Read at your own risk

So last night, I was at a friend's house, the television was on, it was the final episode of that god-awful reality show the Bachelor. We were drinking and chatting and suddenly I looked up to see one of the women on the show (my "favorite" in the five seconds I'd seen of it) sobbing in the back of the limo after having been rejected. This is what she said, "The good girls always win. I'm just not the girl you take home to mom. I told him I didn't 'need' him but that I certainly wanted him to be in my life...I shouldn't have said that."

I was appalled, first that we were viewing what should have been someone else's private grief billed as entertainment and then that she felt like she had to be something she wasn't to "win" this guy (who seemed like an indecisive moron--in the five seconds i saw). Then we all started talking...Is that true? Are we all supposed to morph from wonderfully unique and interesting individuals into the suburban soccer moms and mini-van dads when we turn 30? What does it mean to be a "good girl" anyway? Does it mean wide-eyed agreement with everything that comes out the guy's mouth and passing it off as my own beliefs? And what about this "needing vs. wanting" bit? If I am a strong individual who enjoys her life and is capable of doing so regardless of her romantic situation, do I have to stroke the male ego and say that "need" him, "can't live without him"? Isn't it more honest to say that I "want" someone in my life? Then I'm making a choice to love and include someone as opposed to being forced to be with him b/c I'm too incomplete to function on my own.

So obviously "reality" tv isn't real life, but as we talked, we came up with many more examples that supported the above views than non-traditional couples. I haven't actually stopped thinking about it yet (thus the writing about it). If that's what relationships are really like, televised or not, that's pathetic...the (small) part of me that is an optomist would like to believe that there are men in the world who appreciate a woman who knows who she is and what she wants and is willing to stand up for her own beliefs and opinions. With that woman, a man could have a partner in life as opposed to a little adoring wife. Loving doesn't mean losing myself in the other person to the point that I could not fuction alone. Being devoted doesn't mean that I won't call the other person out when I think he's wrong. In my opinion, a good relationship always has push and pull that balances out into something like harmony. If someone doesn't challenge me, what's the point of being with him? I guess that's the flip side; some people want to only be petted and comforted and have no willingness to grow or experience new things, and for them, the kind of person I described above would be vicious and intimidating.

So enough rambling...It takes all kinds of people to make couples, and as long as they are happy with their situations, that's super. But here's hoping that there are at least a few of the open-minded, independent male variety left!

02/28/06